you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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