I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
