last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
