no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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