You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
