He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
