does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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