My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
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