I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
