I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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