he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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