ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
