i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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