Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
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