hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
