That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
