you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
