Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
