go do what you do best...puke behind churches
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
