Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
