I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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