nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Even my vagina gasped.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
