So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
