haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
