She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
two words...techno handjob
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
