He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
