Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Randomize
