so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
