and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
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