Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
