1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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