Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
