Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
