your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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