Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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