Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
We need to get me chipped asap
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
