I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
