I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
