i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
So squirting runs in the family.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Randomize
