Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
