they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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