He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
