dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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