Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
