when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
