i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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