Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
