My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
