Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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