I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
