This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
